Round 1 – Great Baddie Bake-Off: The Arbiter!

Happy Monday Novas! Today is our entry into Round One of the Blogger Blitz: Black Sheep Competition! Don’t know what the Blogger Blitz community event is, click here for official rules and the lineup schedule. I am competing against Chris from OverthinkerY and his champion or should I say Villain, Master Xehanort from the Kingdom Heart Series. Below is  my case for why Thel Vadam, formerly known as The Arbiter will smash the competition! Power up Players for the Great Baddie Bake-Off!

Why did I accept this invitation again? I’m a great commander of the covenant armies and I am here with this Heartless Apron  that is a size too small and a counter of appliances…. NO INGREDIENTS! At least old Xehanort over there was slighted as well. He’s bald, smells like Bengay and doesn’t look like he has a clue on what’s going on. This is going to be a Piece of Cake… haha.

If matters can’t get any worse, there’s a strange kid in the back of the kitchen wearing a hood. He’s probably here for an autograph, but when I send my grunt assistant to tell him to go away, he straights stab the grunt and he falls to the floor.  Guess that’s another twist I will have to deal with. Good thing I’m in no shortage of Grunts! I grab my kit from the orange grunt that keeps dropping my mixing bowl on the ground.   Laying out my ingredients I see the jars of purple Grunt Blood and line them up on the metal table. Old man Xeha over there walks away so I switch his frosting with the Grunt Blood. What can I say, some insurance for the judges.

 

One of my grunts mention a fridge 2 hallways over. I take out my energy sword and make my way towards the creepy kid that has managed to stab 3 more grunts. The goo on the ground isn’t sanitary, but at least it’s not next to my station. I use the slippery floor to slide past the Tonberry and I take a swipe with my energy sword. That should take care of him. I locate the fridge and place eggs, flour, butter, milk, cream and sugar in my basket. I hear the annoying shriek of another grunt. When I return to my kitchen, the Tonberry has stabbed another one. This little guy is tougher than he looks.

I throw a spike bomb at the Tonberry and glide past him again. When the smoke clears, the little fella is slowing moving towards us. He would be a great addition to my Covenant army. I reach my station to find Xehanort’s table unattended. I invoke my invisibility armor and take small Flood Growth Pods to replace with the eggs on his station.  I quickly return back to my table and begin mixing the cake.

The batter is finally placed into the oven that was preheated to 350 degrees. Now to take out our little friend. I pull out a Plasma Rifle and begin firing at the Tonberry getting ever so close to us. After unloading 2 clips into the Tonberry’s chest I call for my vehicle.  A grunt crashes the Ghost through the wall, barely missing the oven. I shoot him out of the seat and turn the thrusters on to the ram the Tonberry. I hit him 3 times with my ghost at full blast, but the kid pops up like an inflatable and continues his mission which is surely to destroy myself and Xehanort.

I begin setting up shields in front of my station. I’m sure the human judges will still expect a cake at the end of this.  The timer for the oven rings and I jump over the table to grab the 3 cake pans out of the oven. I set them down to cool. The filling I’m using is a strawberry raspberry jam that my mother used to make. Once the ingredients are properly pureed, I start building the 3 tier cake placing the layer, filling, layer filling method. Now it’s time for the decorations.

I have frosting that is white, black, yellow and red and I begin creating the masterpiece that will tower above and foil Xehanort’s plan for winning. There is one more element I need before I am able to complete the cake. I peer over to Xehanort who has begun tasting his cake. He grimaces from the first bite and frantically looks around. There’s no time for him to complete another cake and it looks like those flood eggs and grunt blood extras has thrown him for a loop.

To further distract the old man I have 3 of my grunts dress up as a human named Sora, a duck and a mouse. My grunts are finally doing something well as they run about his table taking items and playing a game you humans call “Keep Away.” A flustered Xehanort forgets that the Tonberry is approaching us and I instruct my grunts to lead him to his make. He chases the trio and winds up slipping on the spilled grunt’s blood from earlier stabbings landing directly in front of the Tonberry. I like the icing off of the wooden spoon in anticipation of what will happen next.

*BRGNNNNNNNNNNNNN*

“That’s it contestants! It’s time to judge the Great Baddie Bake-Off and crown the Greatest Baddie Baker!”

Just in time. I grab a keyblade from the Xehanort’s table and lean it against my cake for the judges. Xehanort returns to his station holding his arm. Not sure how many times he was stabbed, but he looks to be in bad shape. My cake is an inspiration and SOARS above the table. A picture of the cake is below:

A delicious recipe don’t you think?

The Tonberry is still chugging along so I offer him some of my opponents cake. The sour taste enrages the Tonberry and he fixates on Xehanort who is now pleading for mercy on his knees. Pathetic. I stand with my energy sword in hand while the judges cut into the beautiful cake that I have built. The screams of Xehanort being attacked all but fuel the joy and happiness I feel inside. Now I await, the decision…

 

Good luck to Chris! You can read his entry by clicking here! Don’t forget to tune into Adventure Rules on Friday for the results in the Great Baddie Bake-Off!

-Luna 🙂